Curb Your Exer-thiasm

I had a funny morning. I went to my first two group exercise classes at Hillside City Club - the nearest gym by my parents' apartment.

First class was awesome! It was called "workshop" which meant it was a rotating class, a different format each week. Today's class was aerobic dance, high-low mixed with a hint of Turkish folklore. Totally different, a little out of my element and I looked entirely silly doing the routine. But, at least I had fun! The class was packed for an 11:30 am time slot, and the teacher was hella entertaining to watch. He was really motivating and kept charming the ladies. He didn't use a mic - he didn't have to. He broke down his routine with whistles. He whistled once to show us the next move, twice to take the routine from the top. That's it! Now, hoppa!

The next class was even crazier. It was a Schwinn indoor cycling class, not to mention, my fave format in group fitness! But outside the amazing euro-tech disco music and the Penn Badgley look-a-like instructor from the show Gossip Girl, the class had a few contraindicated moves. For one, sprinting as fast as you can with minimal load while standing up isn't my idea of an effective drill. And two, cuing the head down (actually looking down, head below heart) then head up... and doing this repeatedly "up for 4, down for 4, up 2, down 2" is probably asking for trouble. What's the Turkish equivalent of 911? However, if the paramedics look anything like the cast of GG, then sure, I'll bob my head up and down until I pass out anytime.

Here's the irony of the whole morning's experience: despite my history in the commercial fitness arena, somehow I ended up looking like the fool in both classes, the newbie participant who couldn't 'keep up' with the routines. The uncoordinated dancer. The weak girl cyclist... sigh. I so wanted to go up to each instructor and justify why I couldn't move my hips in both directions or why I opted out of the (unnecessary) sprints. But of course, I couldn't do that.

So I overcompensated. And when I went to thank each instructor for a great class - I sounded like a retarded Japanese boy going through puberty. Tan Kee, Tan Kee. I figured if they thought I was foreign, then maybe they would forgive my performance. You know, chalk it up to "maybe she couldn't keep up because she couldn't understand what we were saying."

But I think I made the situation even more confusing when I asked the front desk lady to call me a cab in Turkish with an American accent. I really do have an accent when I speak - really.

Talk about a Curb Your Enthusiasm/Larry David moment. The Turkish girl pretending to be an American girl with slightly foreign Japanese accent so the hot instructor won't mistake her for a loser weakling participant, only to reveal she clearly knows the Turkish language. Sigh...

Anyway, I was happy to have gotten a few hours of activity in my day, burn a few calories... what more can you ask for?